


God

by TheTimeTraveler24



Series: Riordanverse One-Shots [13]
Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: Atheism, Christianity, Gen, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimeTraveler24/pseuds/TheTimeTraveler24
Summary: Magnus is called by a strange guy who thinks he's got the right idea about this whole atheism thing.A.k.a. Iris was thinking about Buddhism, so what about other deities converting? Or more specifically God.
Series: Riordanverse One-Shots [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887385
Comments: 22
Kudos: 43
Collections: Nine Billion Names





	God

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [NineBillion](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/NineBillion) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> What happens when we find out that God's an atheist?

“You know, kid, you’ve got the right idea.”

Magnus Chase blinked and looked around. He stared at the guy lounging in a cushiony chair that seemed really elaborate.

“Um, what?” he managed. “Who are you? And where am I?”

The room he was in was pure white. So white it felt like everything was glowing. Magnus eyed the room to find any hint of hidden cameras or something to do with Tide. The slogan “If it’s got to be clean, it’s got to be Tide” ran through his mind.

The guy nodded understandingly. “I get it. New place. Kinda weird. Yeah, I’m not too keen on the white myself, but the kids insist on it. Something about my rep and all that. I don’t get it though.”

“Where am I?” Magnus repeated.

The guy looked surprised. “Oh. Sorry. I guess I should have introduced myself. You’re at the Pearly’s man! I brought you here to talk. You might wanna spread my Word.”

Magnus choked. “What? Wait are you God? Like… capital ‘G’ God?”

“That’s me,” the guy, God, confirmed. “But you know, those Greeks had the right idea. They call their deities gods and goddesses, right? Because they are gods and goddesses. Me though? No one gave me a name. I’m just God. I’m  _ a _ god, but I’m a god called God.”

Magnus closed his eyes.  _ I’ve already had to name my talking sword, do I really have to name God too? _

“You ever see that show?” God continued. “Supernatural. Really great. I love it. They had a God character in the show. He was called Chuck. Now, I’m not saying I want to be Chuck because I’m pretty sure those fans would love to rip my head off once they arrive here. Can’t say I blame them. Chuck was a nasty piece of work. It’s the guys like him that give us all a bad name, right?”

Magnus didn’t know what to do. He nodded.

“Anyway, back to what I called you here about,” God said. He looked at Magnus. “You’ve got the right idea. You ever heard of Iris? Greek rainbow goddess. Really nice. Anyway, she’s thinking about converting to Buddhism. I asked her,  _ How does that work? You’re a Greek goddess. _ And she said,  _ So what? No one’s confined to the gender they were born as anymore, why do we have to be confined to the religions we’re worshipped in. _ And that got me thinking. I like your idea, Magnus Chase. Atheism. It’s got a certain appeal, right? So I’ve decided I’m an atheist.”

Magnus stared at God in disbelief. “You what?”

“Atheist,” God repeated happily. “I mean, there’s already so many of us deities out there. Can you really have a religious belief in any god if they aren’t a rarity? You’ve got your Greeks, your Romans, your Norse, your Egyptians, your Mayans, your Aztecs, your Chinese, your Sumarians, your Etruscans. You name it, it’s out there! And the afterlives are so  _ complicated. _ It’s all this paperwork, you know? You’ve got Valkyries flying around picking up some honorable dead and then Osiris gets mad because the poor Valkyrie’s gone and picked up a magician that he was supposed to get. Oh and me forbid someone end up in the Hindu Kingdom of Death instead of Xib’alb’a or the Greco-Roman Underworld instead of Helheim.”

God shook his head. “That’s another thing! Those stupid Romans couldn’t just keep the Greeks gods or even the Etruscans! No, they had to go and make the  _ same exact gods. _ Now there’s their multiple personality disorder to keep in check. Yeesh. No, I’m better off going atheist. Like you! So I was thinking you could encourage some humans to do the same.”

“Uh, what would that do?” Magnus asked. “Wouldn’t the afterlife problems still be the same?”

God’s face fell. “Oh. Yes. I guess. Well, maybe you could just mention that I’m taking a holiday? I might rejoin Christianity next century. Or in a couple decades.”

“I don’t think your priests will appreciate a dead guy telling them God had decided to become atheist for a few decades,” Magnus informed him.

God frowned. “I fear you may be right. It’s just… I can’t be bombarded with prayers and intentions if I’m trying to be atheist!”

“Couldn’t, I dunno, Jesus do that for you?” Magnus suggested.

“No, he’s still upset that I let him die,” God said absently. “Not my fault though. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Magnus swallowed. “I totally get that.”

“Yeah,” God nodded. “Sometimes when I ask him to do something, he pulls out that guilt trip and I just  _ can’t _ resist those puppy dog eyes.”

“Understandable.” Magnus shifted back and forth. “Um, the third guy? What’s the name? Holy Spirit?”

“No way,” God shook his head. “Holy Spirit’s like a guide. They can’t do anything about the  _ Help, God, I’m falling and I need a little help falling on the spot that won’t kill me _ kind of prayer. They’d be like  _ Okay, do this and then this and then that and you will survive. _ Me? I’d just send a gust of wind to blow the poor soul to the right spot.”

“Maybe you should just… be Christian,” Magnus said. “It seems easier than converting.”

God nodded glumly. “I’ll keep workshopping this though. You should come over every month. We can chat about my plans.”

“Sure thing,” Magnus agreed through a force smile. “Oh, can you tell, uh, Jesus that Thor still wants that duel?”

“He still hasn’t shown up?” God asked, eyes wide in outrage. “I’ll have to talk to Odin soon and set up a playdate.” He shook his head. “Kids. Don’t have em unless you’re ready for a lot of yelling and drama.”

Magnus gave him a tight smile. “Great. Can I go back to Valhalla now?”

“What? Oh, yeah.” God waved a hand and Magnus found himself back in his room on Floor 19.

“That was so weird,” Magnus muttered.

**Author's Note:**

> So that happened. I dunno, I saw this prompt and I was like, what would happen if God talked to Magnus about becoming and atheist? Because we all know that our favorite atheist is a Norse demigod who happens to know about the existence of the Greek and Roman gods and also has a cousin who is a Greek demigod.
> 
> Also... I wrote this to be funny, not to like disrespect God or anything. I'm Catholic and I personally don't think it's offending, so I hope no one else does. If you do... sorry.


End file.
